and ended with a trough of lamb, chicken, rice, and so much food that we filled three take home boxes. All for $60! Very good deal. Then we dropped the boy back at school:

and I snapped one more picture:

Here are the happy parents!

Nice work Erin!

(with Mr. Sykes, the drama coach)

Then on Thursday, Erin walked for her promotion ceremony:

There was pretty music:

which caused a lot of hugging:

and smiles:

and posing:

In the whole trip, the only place we ran into a little weather was outside of Flagstaff where we picked up a light dusting of snow:

which broke as we came back down to the desert:

and gave me my only half-decent sunset picture of the trip:

I got to shoot London Bridge at night, something I’ve wanted to do for a long time:

Day:

Night:

Erin got bored, so we experimented with light writing:

Sadly, this summoned a monster which ate us. the end.

Actually, I kicked its butt:

We drove around the lake back into California:

and made a very important pit stop in Julian, CA:

In the time it took to take this picture, and it being Easter Sunday, Mom’s actually locked the door and denied us crumble topped apple pie goodness! So we went across the street to the malt shop and got a lovely piece of pie!

Erin looks shocked because I got her drinking a glass of ichor. Yep, she’s a vampire. See how sparkly she is in all the pictures.

Nine days, lots of bug guts, and 3000 miles later, we made it back home!

Yep, pretty much sums the place up.

My sister Diardra and her hubby Doug live in Arvada, CO right next to Denver:

Diardra gave us directions to the 16th Street Mall

which is right by the capitol:

Erin Yelped and found us some awesome Gyros at Shish Kabob:

We used Yelp a ton on this trip. With the location based iphone app, it worked very well!

I’d done some research before the trip and found that one of my favorite brewers is very close to Diardra’s house, so we took one evening and headed to Oskar Blues’ restaurant in Lyons, CO.

They are one of the first craft brewers who can their stuff, but I wanted to taste it from the tap. So I did:

God Bless sampler trays… Lotsa of lovely flavors and no huge hangover the next day

The place is very festive:

The staff was super nice. I was disappointed that the can price was no cheaper than our local places in San Diego. I had dreams of filling the trunk with cases of Ten Fidy and ruling the SoCal market.

The next morning we were supposed to drive to Albuquerque but how do you get THAT close to Rock Mountain National Park and not go take some pictures… This pattern seemed to rule the trip and make for very late night arrivals…

It’s a very dangerous park:

filled with scary creatures:

As usual, I’m ignoring the “thin ice” signs, although I think I was safe this time:

See the pretty lake behind us? Use your imagination. Or a large blow dryer…

Again, it was so hard not to just sit in one place and watch the light change. I like this shot, but imagine it at sunset…

“Welcome to Bear Lake!”

Six hours later we were on the road to AAAAAAaaaalbuquerque. Erin shot some neat weather:

Then it got dark and I made her listen to REO Speewagon for 8 hours straight!

Erin and her short Mom:

But let’s be real, the real reason for the trip is JACK!

Jack is our new nephew and I hadn’t met him before this. He’s a wonderful little dude with a great disposition. Looks like he’ll have our sense of humor too:

He’s very curious about funny looking faces:

and he knows how to be cool:

Let’s just face it, this is a cute kid…

I didn’t really get to do much concentrated photography on this trip since we were on the move so much, but I did shoot this one night and was pretty happy with it:

I’d have been happier if the netting wasn’t there, but it was cold and dark and I didn’t notice it until I had the tripod all set up.

Aidan, Renia, and Jack live in a beautiful area, very close to Vail. We walked around their neighborhood quite a bit:

and took a side trip up to Vail to see the village and commune with the residents:

This dude was WAY into me:

After 2p, you can ride the gondolas up the mountain for free, so we did:

and enjoyed the beautiful views:

Erin made some sort of Ice Princess Shrine…

Then we all went out and enjoyed some “waters”:

and green goop:

We had a great time getting to meet Jack, and reuniting with Aidan and Renia!

I haven’t owned an ice scraper since Illinois, but thanks to my genetic influence, Erin’s a genius and we used the room key cards to scrape the windows.

We had a 7-8 hr drive to Denver ahead of us, so we swore we’d just spend an hour or so in Bryce… how hard could that be?

Erin wanted to prove she’d been in snow:

I made the world’s smallest snowman:

Erin shot a lot of our pix from the passenger seat, so she wanted a clean window:

Bryce is full of scenic view of hoodoos. What’s a hoodoo?

Those are. The way I understand it, the area used to be 3000 ft sand dunes, then a sea settled above that. The minerals in the sea seeped down into the sand, inconsistently, forming columns of cement in the sand. As the land was pushed up and the water ran out, it carried away the loose sand, leaving these amazing columns of fractal sand and cement.

There was usually someone at any stop who would trade a group shot if you did one for them:

The variations on the formations were beautiful:

I need a week in just this one spot to do it justice with a camera:

Ok, you get the point – it’s beautiful and everyone should go see it!

Six hours later, we dragged ourselves out of the park to start the 7 hr drive to Edwards, CO to see my brother. We lost the light soon, but I’ll never forget the drive:

Zion is a short trip off of I-15, just north on St. George, UT. We stopped at a little town called Springdale and looked at some rocks:

I decided then that I’d resist my rock collection obsession or else the car would be laden with 1000lbs as we headed over the Rockies later in the trip Erin got her Mom some earrings, and we headed into Zion proper. I didn’t know what to expect – I’d done some research for the trip, but I didn’t want to look at too many pictures before I saw it for myself.

There’s a $25 entry fee, then you leave your car at the visitor’s center and hop on a shuttle that runs the length of the park.

I’ll put a link in the blog to all of the pictures, but WOW! Just WOW! It was amazing:

Erin has the photography bug too. I got here here and I was using my iPhone – one of my favorite images from the trip:

I was drawn to the rocks mainly, while Erin loved the water features:

I got a new wide lens piece for my Lensbaby and tried it out here, but only got one or two interesting images:

I need to spend more time with it to learn how to get some part of the image in focus.

I can paste beautiful rock formation pictures in here all day:

I also got a 70-300 Canon IS lens to play with, and it didn’t disappoint:

Erin goes in search of more water pictures:

We encountered much wild life, such as the Thanksgiving bird:

We couldn’t find the stuffing gophers.

Where’s Erin?

I was going to have some deep comments about ageless stone and modern technology, but I remembered that I’m not that deep:

Finally found some phone signal!

It was getting late and we needed to get to Bryce for the next day, so we headed out through the tunnel on Rt. 12:

and found even more amazing sights:

SOMEone was getting a little tired of stopping every 5 minutes to take pix, but I have to say – this was one of the most amazing drives I have ever made. Beautiful!

Good bye Zion. I’ll be back, and I promise to spend more that a day….

to get to our first stop, Las Vegas! This was Erin’s first time so I wanted to make sure she saw the most important part, Barry Manilow!

Ok, not really – our goal was the Blue Man Group but first we needed to get a good meal. I looked out the window of our hotel and saw the Peppermill, a great place my buddy TJ intruduced me to on my last LV visit. Erin was impressed with the very colorful sugar:

Ok, so was I:

Next, we walked (and walked and walked) the Strip:

Caught some amazing magic:

Then finally saw the men of blue:

When I took Nathan to this show a few years ago, I neglected to bring a camera, so we missed this shot…

Erin really wanted to see the Excalibur, so we hoofed it down the Strip again after the show and she scored a nice image:

Sadly, the dragon statue is gone now. A guard told us that it was breaking down and they couldn’t get parts. I blame the IT department, or this Emo kid:

View Larger Map

Mark, the man with the meat:

Leah “I hardly KNOW her”:

Jason Hoos:

Mark demonstrates his child care technique:

Chirs Tromboski (I knew I’d spell it wrong, so why not be absurd?):

Dorothy Moe, wasted:

Elizabeth Badrov, hitting on me, as usual:

Super cutie Kate Badrov with Kera in the background:

Some guy:

Liz and Heather do what they do every day, plan to take over the world:

More pictures here:

One of my best buds is Greg, my brother in law. We sneak off and play Trivia, drink beer, and eat chicken wings. Usually before or after 2 or 3 movies. Sweet…

A highlight of a visit to Elaine’s sister Beth is when they start drinking and get caught in a darkly descending spiral of hysterical laughing. It usually ends in someone peeing. This was a bonus year because their other sister, Jean, made the trip up to Chicago. This adds an unstoppable critical mass to the spiral. Enjoy:

Beth has lost it. Now it’s Elaine’s turn:

Jean tips over:

Finally, Beth’s head asplodes:

They hate me now, but someday they will appreciate that I had my camera shipped 2000 miles to capture this. Like I care…

I got some more time to play with my Lensbaby and got some nice shots. Here’s Rebecca:

And Rachael:

Jean’s daughter Candice (not Kelly. Don’t ask.):

Jean’s son Ryan:

A bunch of cousins:

More attitude than I can handle:

Just to be fair:

We had a great time in yet another palatial basement. I wish we could have basements out in California. The lack of humidity, bugs, and lots of heat help… a little.

More pictures:

Elaine and I lived in Shampoo-Banana for nearly 15 years, first as undergrads, then as professionals. I worked at UIUC the whole time, while Elaine went from printing to computer support to airline pilot. The kids were born there, and Nathan still keeps in touch with his daycare buddies. Here are Sam, Nathan, and Hannah:

And their mom, Ellen on the right:

Erin, in the middle, had about hit her limit of being gracious about meeting people she didn’t know as you can see by her thrilled expression. Declan vs a 13 year old girl. Guess who will win…

We had lunch at Papa Del’s with Leslie (I failed to get a picture, we were talking so much), Daver, and b.:

I had a couple deep dish slices because they were fast, but Elaine held out for her favorite:

Papa Del’s thin crust piled with all kinds of good stuff. Fun fact: She LOST half a pound on this trip, whereas I had to buy a whole row of seats to get home. Grumble…

I went walking around campus and surprised Lynnell Lacy:

and shot some buildings. With my camera… Here’s where we got married:

St. Johns church.

This is the main Library:

Geek that I am, I couldn’t resist meeting up with new UIUC buddies Matt Cordial and Tim Donahue from the UIUC libraries. No picture tho, it was too friggin hot!

Here’s the Undergrad Library, which was build underground so as not to cast a shadow over the Morrow Plots, the first something or other AG something.

Obligatory Quad, Alma Mater, and Altgeld Hall shots:

Ok, that’s done. So now we can go drinking and play Bingo with the Wolfs – Megan, Greg (the kids), Penny, and Bob (the old ones):

Yep, that’s Greg in a Marilyn Monroe wig, singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. We were at a bar in downtown Champaign called Boltinis. The owner is a buddy of Greg’s and was having trouble getting much business on a Tuesday night. He asked Greg if he had any ideas, and Bingo night was born. Greg’s a performer (“ham”) and plays lounge lizard “Marv” perfectly.

We had a great time and won a lot of shots.

Which we fed to Elaine. Erin was NOT amused:

Every Wednesday, since I was a pup, there is a crew that meets for BREW (Beer Refreshment Every Wednesday) at Joe’s Brewery (used to meet at Coslows – I’m that old…) in Champaign. Luckily, our trip spanned a Weds, so I dropped in and saw some old friends. Here’s Warner:

And Charley:

And Debbie with kid!

I also ran into an old business partner, Mike Smeltzer:

Elaine’s friend Kim came out to join us:

Megan and Brian were there too. Not sure if they were meeting us, or if they are just at every bar all the time…

We then had to eat, so we hit Monical’s (Jerry, eat yer heart out!):

Then capped the night off with a Black and White from Jarlings:

On the way out of town on Thursday, I had lunch with my old friend Robin:

More pictures:

There was a reception at a restaurant in Bloomington, and here’s where I saw some brothers and sisters I hadn’t seen since 2001.

Here’s Nuala – we’d actually seen her in Belleville, but I didn’t have my real camera yet, just the iPhone’s camera:

Brendan’s sporting the Hell’s Angels look now:

Diardra and Doug were there too:

Some of these pictures are from after mass the next day.

Kevin had also driven up with Brendan:

I was having a little fun with my Lensbaby. His hair doesn’t really look like that.

The “OOO,” Una was also there:

The only sibling missing was Aidan. He and Renia had just given birth to a new boy, so they couldn’t travel. Welcome Jacek Michael Fleming!!!

Here are the bunch of us, with Rich and Judy on the ends:

The Hardys are always gracious hosts and put us up in their palatial basement for 2 days:

Tim Flynn, a buddy from UIUC, joined us at Avantis (mmm, Avanti’s bread…):

And I got to see my grade/high school buddy Jim Taylor:

I hadn’t seen him in 20 years! After lunch, we got to go see his mom, Phyllis. She was one of my mom’s best friends:

Here’s the public housing I grew up in:

Imagine 9 people living in half of that building. Fun times…

This is getting long, so tons more pictures from Bloomington here:

Ok, to be honest, we flew in to St. Louis and my first stop was White Castle:

MMMM!!! 4 Doubles with Cheese!

Ok, on to family. My brother Kevin, and his son Kevin, live in Belleville, the next town over. Randy and Nuala were also in town, so we all hooked up at Denny’s for lunch. Here’s little Kevin:

Here are the little and big Kevins wishing us a fond farewell, later:

I met Randy, Nuala (my youngest sister’s husband):

We mostly hung out at Elaine’s mom’s (Donna) house with Elaine’s brother Matt and his kids:

Here are all the decent pictures from that leg of the trip. I’ve got a bunch more, but I thought I’d show some restraint for once:

I tried to blog on the fly using the new iPhone, and got some pictures and a little text posted using the WordPress for iPhone app. It did a good job. I’m still not used to the iPhone keyboard (this is short hand for “it sucks”), so I didn’t include much text. I think people like to look at pictures more any way!

The trip started in a very exciting manner. As I’ve blogged earlier, the Stupid Dog has a skunk fetish. After the second run in and subsequent spraying, we hired a skunk trapper. The traps were set up in the backyard for about a week with no real action, so we kind of ignored them. Robert, our house sitter and driver, came over on Weds to take us to the airport. He took Stupid Dog out to the backyard to let him take a pee before we left, and guess what?!? There was a skunk in a trap that we didn’t notice. Stupid Dog noticed…

The trapper had wrapped the traps in garbage bags to contain any spraying, so Stupid Dog ripped through that and got sprayed full in the face. At this point, we’re thinking about finding his embedded chip, cutting it out, and setting him free. Ok, maybe that was just me. Elaine quickly changes clothes and does the dance – peroxide (oh, we’re out – Nathan RUN to the store), vinegar, baking soda (where IS it now?!?) – finally getting the dog into some state of smell that we can lock him up in the house and Robert can still breath over the smell.

This whole time we’re watching the clock because we have a flight to St. Louis at 12:05…

We made the flight, but in the rush to get out the door, I forgot my camera, and we forgot car and house keys – things that we’ll need to actually get back to the house after the trip. Nothing like a little extra stress added to a long trip…

Long story short, Robert shipped my camera with a ton of insurance, and later shipped keys once we got those logistics figured out. Robert kicks ass.

There are already a lot of highlight photos below. I’ll put in a view of all the pictures here, then some specific collections.

Our newest arrival is an iPhone 3g that I got for work. It is even cooler than the Touch because it has a camera. I’ll have a lot of lower quality photos now, but it’s super convenient.

A couple complaints about the phone, that I’m sure I’ll get the whine about on the MacVeritas podcast soon:

Battery life – with 3g, wifi, and heavy use, don’t expect this thing to last more than 5 hours.

Charging change – this just kills me. The device won’t charge in my car now. Lots of discussion on the forums that Apple decided to drop the pins where most car systems charge the phone. I’m hoping there can be a firmware fix. If not, maybe my car device has a switch, or I can build a little wire switching dongle. Either way, shame on Apple for messing with this with no real warning.

Exchange email set up was a snap – but I think I’m missing some emails… It’s being a little flaky with the ActiveSync. More experience with the device is needed.

Calendar confusion – some recurring events that have canceled exceptions are showing up as valid meetings. I know this is complicated programming from the WirelessKnowledge days. Apple needs to get ahead of this or people will lose confidence in their data.

Apps crash a lot – and have to be reinstalled. AIM, Twinkle, and others just try to start, then go back to the home dock. I’ll even get an occasional reboot.

Other than that, the device is nice! It’s sleek, so it slips in and out of pockets nicely. So far it is way more resistant to scratches than my 60G iPod.

Now that I have the phone, I don’t know if I need the Touch. The girl wants it, but I might sell it and the cool Surefire flashlights I won and buy a proper lens for the camera.

Not great, but some cool color. I should have brought out the telescope, but it’s too heavy for my mule… um, Erin to carry

The Girl and the Moon:

A tree with moonshine:

Dan Tentler was on hand to take pictures with his new light boxes:

She decided to wear a geek shirt to match my stylin’ MacVeritas shirt!

Here’s the “before” picture:

She looks much better here:

Wow, those braces are SO worth it!

The we joined some buddies and had some Dim Sum!

Mom got up and made apple pancakes. Dad got out the camera.

I finally relented and let her get here ears pierced. I think she liked it:

Looks like she was a little scared…

Click here to view the embedded video.

Last night I got to see Erin open as a Lady in Waiting in her school’s production of “Once Upon a Mattress.”

She did great!  Here she is on stage:

And here she is being rather rude, I must say:

More pictures here.  They’re pretty blurry, the light was low.

Anyway, somewhere near the beginning of December, I normally log on to Amazon, check the wife’s wish list, add a few things, and, bada bing, I’m done. All I need to do is collect boxes as they come in and decide which things I’ll give the wife for her birthday and which I’ll save for Christmas. There’s a whole other story about brow beating Erin (the daughter) into doing the wrapping for me, but I’ll save that, or get her to blog it.

So, I fire off my order on December 3rd, and within a week three big boxes show up addresses to me from Amazon. Now, we’re a Midwest family who transplaned to San Diego. At this time of year, there are boxes coming in every day. Since I outsource the mundane business of mail to the wife, I just had the boxes piled up under my desk, planning to select her birthday booty the evening before the 16th. The wife is a crossword freak and had added:

“Excalibur The NY Times Deluxe Touch Screen Crossword Puzzle”
Excalibur Electronics; Video Game

to her Wish List. I ordered that, and, since I wanted to look like I put SOME effort into the process, I added:

“Wordplay”
Chris Astoyan; DVD

a (very entertaining! who knew?!?) movie about crossword freaks. I imagined her delight upon opening TWO birthday presents, ONE of them a non-Wish List SURPRISE, and ANOTHER that’s also on-theme! (And not just a Starbucks card. “Here, you LIKE coffee. Right?”)

So, the evening of the 15th comes and I go hide in my office and pop open the three big boxes, in search of the two crossword related items. Three boxes. Three items. WHAT? There were eleven items in total that I’d ordered for the two occasions. Oh man, I’m screwed… Thankfully, the crossword video game was one of the three, but my masterwork, the accompanying DVD, was not here. In fact, the only items that had shown up were the ones Amazon offered through third parties. All of the other stuff, DVDs and books, Amazon stock and trade, were missing. I quickly looked through my email for the Amazon Order confirmation and was stunned to finally notice this:

Shipping estimate for these items: January 5, 2007 – January 19, 2007
Delivery estimate: January 9, 2007 – January 24, 2007

[LIST OF ALL THE STUFF THAT WAS MISSING]

I was wrestling with a lot of emotions at this point. Shock over not seeing what I expected. Disappointment that I wouldn’t be able to give what I thought I would. (“Look, movie!” “Good boy!”) Shame over screwing up my ONE real gift buying event window of the year. Stupidity for not checking the boxes sooner or actually reading the Amazon mail. Then finally anger that I’d even have to consider that Amazon would take this long.

How was I going to deal with all this? Well, it’s the 2000s and I’m a Networking Professional, so I did what most of us do in this case. I wrote an email. Well, actually I filled out a form on Amazon’s site, but it’s pretty much the same thing:

Subject: Other Assistance
—————
12/16/06 08:16:00
Your Name:Declan Fleming

Comments:

Hi – I did all my shopping on December 3rd, using Amazon.com order number: XXX-XXXXXXX-XXXXXXX

More than half of my stuff won’t arrive until after Christmas!!! Is this a feature of Super Saver Shipping? I get everything done by the beginning of December, and Amazon – the ICON of effeciency – can’t ship for over a month on the items that are listed as stocked by you?!? I have received the 3 items from other vendors that I bought through you, it is just the stuff you stock that is being delayed.

I did not notice the ridiculous ship date until today when I thought to look. Who would think that Amazon would take so long? AND, there’s no way I can see to expedite my order. You’ve got me over a barrel with the timing of the shipment, and I can’t even dig my way out.

Wow, I’m so unhappy! Look how long I’ve been an Amazon customer. I’d NEVER dream that shipping books and DVDs ordered on December 3rd would take a month from you.

How are we going to fix this and save Christmas?
Declan Fleming
—————

SNAP! That’ll show them! Can you see my Customer Service background come out as I tear Amazon a new one? Through a feedback form. I bet this will be escalated all the way to Bezos! “A customer didn’t read his order confirmation mail and now he’s pissed! Let’s get ON this!” Man, I’m screwed.

The next morning the daughter and I get up early and head out to get the wife some flowers and coffee. In line at the Starbucks, the daughter hits me up for a $25 gift card so she has a present for her mom. (Where did she learn to put things off like this?!?) “She LIKES coffee. Right?”

We get home and give the wife her stuff and I brace her for a Christmas of printouts of gift orders rather than actual gifts. But it will make a very festive January, right? I hang my head in shame…

But wait! What’s this? Email from Amazon:

Thank you for writing to us at Amazon.com.

I’ve checked your order and can confirm that we are currently
preparing it for shipment.

It appears that we will be able to ship your package earlier than
the date estimated on our web site, and we expect your order will
arrive within 5-7 business days of the ship date.

We will send you an e-mail at the time of shipment.

You can also check the status of your order, including estimated
dates of shipment and delivery, by clicking the Your Account link at
the top of most pages of our store or by following this link:

http://www.amazon.com/your-account

Thank you for shopping at Amazon.com. We hope you enjoy your order.

Please let us know if this e-mail resolved your question:

If yes, click here:
If not, click here:

Please note: this e-mail was sent from an address that cannot accept
incoming e-mail.

To contact us about an unrelated issue, please visit the Help
section of our web site.

Best regards,

Ramji L.
Amazon.com Customer Service
Thank you for writing to us at Amazon.com.

—————-

This doesn’t exactly answer my questions, and it smells like an auto-responder, but there’s some positive language in there. “earlier than the date estimated on our web site” Hmm, vague… I want some more details. I hit their Help section and find a link that sets up a phone call. Let’s see if I get anywhere talking to them. I type in my phone number, click the button, and my phone rings immediately. (Remind me to write a rant about a house that has 7 wireless phone but not one in its base…)

“Hi, this is Juan from Amazon, how can I help?”

“Hi Juan, how are we gonna save Christmas?”

Juan was very good. He reviewed my account and agreed that the long ship date didn’t seem right. He said he’d dig into this and get back to me the next day:

From: Amazon
We are very sorry for the delay in completing your order. I have
reviewed your account and can see that this experience has been far
less than positive.

We strive for convenience and efficiency at Amazon.com, but in this
instance we have fallen short of our goal. I’m truly sorry that your
impression of doing business with Amazon.com has been so negative.

Unfortunately, your order is still being delayed and we are currently
unable to ship your order. We are doing everything possible to correct
this problem. However, we have no new information at this time
regarding the status of your order. You will be notified as soon as
there is an update.

As this was not what you expected when you placed your order, we would
understand if you’d prefer to cancel it. You may cancel unshipped
items through the “Your Account” link at the top of our home page by
clicking the link that says “Cancel items or orders.” After signing
in with your e-mail address and password, you will be able to view
your order history and cancel your order for any item that has not yet
entered the shipping process.

Otherwise, when your order is shipped, we will send you an e-mail to
confirm the shipment.

Again, I would like to apologize for the inconvenience you have
experienced and express our gratitude for the patience you’ve
displayed thus far. I am going to apply a promotional gift certificate
for the amount of shipping which is $16.16.

Please be assured that this is not a typical Amazon experience and
in no way did we intend for this to happen. I hope that you will give
us another opportunity to prove the quality of our service to you.

Thank you for shopping at Amazon.com.

Please let us know if this e-mail resolved your question:

If yes, click here:
If not, click here:

Please note: this e-mail was sent from an address that cannot accept
incoming e-mail.

To contact us about an unrelated issue, please visit the Help section
of our web site.

Best regards,

Juan
Amazon.com Customer Service
———————-

Well, hmm… The letter STARTS nice. “We suck, we’re sorry.” That goes a long way towards making me feel good about Amazon. But their remedy is not satisfactory. Just cancel, take our $16, and the problem goes away… Well, no, I’ve got eight items for Christmas that I need, and I am NOT going to start my Christmas shopping on 12/18.

I did NOT want to cancel this order, and in fact, the Cancel option was not available because it was in the process of shipping. I decide to get a little pissy and open a small can of whoopass on the web form:

Date: Tue Dec 19 07:12:44 UTC 2006
Subject: Feedback to Amazon.com
To: “int-form-feedback__34erdf@amazon.com” int-form-feedback__34erdf@amazon.com
From: declan@declan.net

CUSTOMER: Declan Fleming
COMMENTS: I appreciate the note, but it in no way addresses the problem of getting me my stuff before Xmas.

“Unfortunately, your order is still being delayed and we are currently
unable to ship your order. We are doing everything possible to correct this problem. However, we have no new information at this time regarding the status of your order. You will be notified as soon as there is an update.”

This tells me nothing other than you don’t know what’s going on. Please figure out what is going on and ship my order now. I’ve already missed my wife’s birthday (12/16). Please don’t mess up Xmas too.

Declan
———————–

So there! I ALMOST left off “Please.” I’m a hardass. I wasn’t sure what would happen, but I tried to push all the Customer Service buttons I could think of to force a response. Here’s what I got:

Thank you for writing to us at Amazon.com.

First, please allow me to apologize for the inconvenience you have
faced. It is certainly not our intention to cause you any
frustration, and I am sorry that this has been the case.

We are very sorry for the delay in completing your order. I have
reviewed your account and found that your order item has entered the
shipping process on December 13, 2006 but not yet shipped till now
and can see that this experience has been far less than positive.

We strive for convenience and efficiency at Amazon.com, but in this
instance we have fallen short of our goal, and I am truly sorry.

Unfortunately, I can’t cancel your order items, because it’s already
in the shipping process.

In looking into this situation further, I see that the shipment of
your order is still being delayed by a system error. This same
error prevents us from being able to cancel the order.

We have been in contact with our technical specialists, and they are
currently doing everything in their power to correct this problem
and ship your order as soon as possible.

However, we have no new information at this time regarding the
status of your order; you will be notified as soon as there is an
update.

Due to the circumstances surrounding your order, I have made a one-
time exception to our standard policy.

You may place a new order for the same items with Two-Day shipping
and the write back to us using this link so that we will waive the
shipping cost :

http://www.amazon.com/gp/help/contact-us/general-questions.html

Please copy and paste the URL into your web browser to reach the
specific page.

You may refuse this shipment when it arrives from this order.
Refusing the shipment allows you to return it without having to pay
for return shipping. If the package is delivered by mail and you
are not present when it is delivered, you may write “Refused–return
to sender” on the box and leave it for your postal carrier to pick
up.

When we receive this refused and returned order, our return center
would create full refund for the shipment.

Again, I would like to apologize for the inconvenience you have
experienced and express our gratitude for the patience you’ve
displayed thus far.

Please be assured that this is not a typical Amazon.com experience
and in no way did we intend for this to happen. I hope that you
will give us another opportunity to prove the quality of our service
to you.

Thank you for shopping at Amazon.com.

Please let us know if this e-mail resolved your question:

If yes, click here:
If not, click here:

Please note: this e-mail was sent from an address that cannot accept
incoming e-mail.

To contact us about an unrelated issue, please visit the Help
section of our web site.

Best regards,

Vijay .E
Amazon.com Customer Service

http://www.amazon.com

—————

Wow! Let’s analyze this…

1) Sorry for sucking.

2) Sorry again for the suckiness.

3) “Unfortunately, I can’t cancel your order items, because it’s already in the shipping process.” Um, yeah, you figured that out too, eh?

4) “In looking into this situation further, I see that the shipment of your order is still being delayed by a system error.” Translation: “Our IT has screwed you.” I run an IT group and I felt SUCH sympathy for this poor Customer Service guy at this point. I can’t tell you how many time I’ve had to tell my customers that we have a “system error.” Tough crap, I still want my stuff. (HEY! NO using this against me, customers! ) I swear to God, if there wasn’t so much context to this statement, I’d make it into a T shirt. System error… ha! Sorry, where was I?

5) “This same error prevents us from being able to cancel the order.” Translation: “Our IT group has screwed US.”

6) “We have been in contact with our technical specialists, and they are
currently doing everything in their power to correct this problem and ship your order as soon as possible. However, we have no new information at this time regarding the status of your order; you will be notified as soon as there is an update.” Translation: “IT are all in a meeting. And not answering their cell phones. Damn IT.”

7) “Due to the circumstances surrounding your order, I have made a one-time exception to our standard policy.” Translation: “Your whining is messing up our call completion stats.”

WHAT??? Let me get this straight… Yer telling me to ignore everything so far, REORDER all my stuff with refundable (thanks.) 2 day shipping, thereby doubling the charges on my credit card, then refusing reception on the original order when it actually arrives, sometime around Easter? Let me check with my Shipping Department… The wife says to go pound sand. Oooo! Now you made HER mad! You wouldn’t like her when she’s mad…

9) Again, we suck, we sorry. Thanks for being a buddy.

10) Oh yeah, we usually don’t suck. Can we borrow your van? We promise not to run it off a bridge.

I spend the rest of the day reeling and composing a blog post in my mind. I don’t actually WRITE the post because I believe in the magic of Christmas and that the stuff will actually show up. And I thought it would be way too long to put in a blog. I think I have proven that fact. Instead I tell all my friends and they laugh at me. Gotta love my friends.

Well, Santa showed all of my friends up. At 7pm of the same day I got the email above, this arrives:

Greetings from Amazon.com.

We thought you’d like to know that we shipped your items, and that this
completes your order.

[LIST OF ALL THE STUFF THAT WAS MISSING]
————–

Everything shows up a few days before Christmas, and there is much rejoicing.

So, what have we learned?

1) Amazon comes through, eventually.

2) Amazon has some pretty creative excuse writers.

3) Always blame IT. Damn IT. System error! It cracks me UP!

4) Always read order confirmation emails. Even from Amazon. A MONTH for DVDs and BOOKS? Who’da thunk it?

5) This is way too long a story to go into a blog.

6) The wife loves the crossword video game. I haven’t seen her since her birthday.

7) The daughter’s gonna kill me for telling everyone I bought the Starbucks card. Thankfully, she never reads my blog.